I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
