How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
