Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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