Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize