if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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