New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Even my vagina gasped.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
