long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize