Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
