Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
