Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
