You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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