It's just like the Real World with babies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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