literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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