I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
