Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
