Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
YAS. BRING CRAB.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
