Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
