I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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