No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
