and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
