she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize