i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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