Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
