ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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