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and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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