I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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