you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
