Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got inside last night via doggy door
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize