Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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