It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
