There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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