this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
