i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
