Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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