Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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