I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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