I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize