He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
