i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
