Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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