wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
