i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am one with the molecules
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
