Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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