Plan B is the new Plan A
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
