Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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