Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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