Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
