pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
