i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
