I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
