i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
