I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The best revenge is premature balding
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
