you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
