Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
