if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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