chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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