And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize