i think i have two assholes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize