Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
