Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize