I faked an abortion last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
