I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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