You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize