Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
